I was reading one of a fellow blogger's most recent post and was very interested by it. In it she stated that for a long time now she has felt not as pretty or beautiful as other people around her. That she has always felt unhappy with herself.
I was surprised to read this because in all her previous posts, I got the impression that she loved herself. The she was so confident with who she was. Goes to show you how people can fool you in to believing anything they want you to believe...and I must be 'grade A' gullible. (I may have just made that "grade A" thing up.)
The reason I'm saying this...and not allowing comments like the other blogger didn't...is I'm also not looking for answers to my problem either...I'm looking to vent...which is actually what 90% of my posts end up being anyway right?
I'm scared I will never get married. There. I said it.
Why is that such a big deal? Because ever since High School all I have wanted out of life is to be married and have kids and be a mom. How pathetic right? I never planned on going to college. Never planned on what I would really major in. The main reason I majored in Early Childhood Education was because I hoped to use the major to help me be a better mom...apparently to kids that I don't, and may never have.
I never planned to be living on my own and working a full time job. And yet, here I am. I've had boyfriends here and there but none have stuck around longer than 3 weeks. I have never figured out why.
It's so frustrating to think about it and how helpless I feel in my search to get married. I feel like it is such a righteous desire so it's difficult for me to comprehend why it hasn't happened yet.
I hate to pull out the "biological time clock" factor but...there it is. I don't want to be a 40 year old mom. I guess I continue to forget the part where Heavenly Father never asked me what I wanted out of life. Great, now I'm making myself cry. STUPID.
LONG story shorter...that's why I post and talk about every little minute and insignificant and silly thing this guy does...because it excites me to think...well...maybe I don't have to be alone forever after all.
Unrelated P.S. I went to a Halloween party on the 30th of October...pretty much alone. Found a girlfriend there and we took some pics at the photo booth. That was the ONLY fun part. Everyone there was dancing gross. I won't elaborate.
